This spoken word piece was interesting because I am finally living out what I was talking about in it.  I was struggling with pursuing my dream and finding my voice in my art in the midst of people around me doubting my ability.  Here are the lyrics:

Ive been on birth control for a while now.

conception contraceptive

introspective homicide

aborting my objectives

Held down by the stresses of external latexes

and a suppressed diaphragm is all that I am left with

I’ve been given a gift

a seed given to me

that if planted would grow up to be bigger than me.

Like a fetus in me.

A talent if mishandled would be born and tagged as one with special needs.

or a still born dream

that is still born and seen

but on the inside is lifeless and not at all what it seems

a body with no soul

like a movie with no theme

a beginning with no ending and nothing in between.

see it is my talent, my vision, my dreams, my spoken word, what you see

my baby

put in me to raise

its face is a stage

its fingertips spill ink

that it smears on the page

that its tears can erase

the umbilical cord is its praise

with drums for lungs.

blue veins filled with bass from the chest

and it teethes as I am reaching for the keys

on the breast, if I wait any longer it will gnaw on me.

The feeling in my heart was my EPT.

no need to take shots

It uses critics as pampers

first crawl then off balance then eventually stand up

then face the challenges the world will offer.

But it wouldn’t if it knew what that world will cost it.

See I stopped caring if it died and I lost it.

My pride was exhausted,

my life was a mess

I miscarried the dream

and I failed the test.

cause If my writing gets to where there is no life in it then honestly whats the point of writing it.

Even if you like the words I throw together and the way that I perform you are still wasting time and we should all go home.

so no claps and no applause for me at all.

Cause the baby’s not mine like paternal court

Im just the surrogate.

An urn of sorts, but in reverse

with no signs of any child support.

I’ve been on birth control for a while now.

conception contraceptive

introspective homicide

aborting my objectives

Held down by the stresses of external latexes

and a suppressed diaphragm is all that I am left with

Psst

Hey girl

Hey girl

Excuse me misses

Im not trying to have sex wicha

but I am in a missionary position

Im just trying to share his vision clearly wicha

Listen,

theres somebody thats very dear to ya

that your nearly missing

Im just hear to clear up the issues and minimize the distance.

so whats up?

See I even hollered different

Im a different kind of dude

See I focused on the narrow while yawl focused on the broads

I had premarital vision

and mounted insurmountable odds

With the wisdom of a pastor or a friar

with no time for tater-totts.

Im like a convict with no priors

cause my record was wiped out

like a cd by a magnet

or one baking in the Son

But all that means nothing without my baby

without my baby I am numb.

What’s the point of being saved

born again to be remade and then stay young.

If before me there was many, but after me there will none.

What a waist.

God should have saved my space in heaven for someone better if Im fake.

Or I flake like the weather.

Or escape like a slave

Or like a zombie from the grave.

Im just a walking corpse.

A thriller on the stage.

But in my heart Im lost.

So I disapeared from the stage

didnt have nothing to say

no babies being made

nobody getting saved

just bodies in the grave

everybody getting aids

Its like I had a labodomy

no knowledge in my brain

no wisdom on the page

like a condom on my tounge

in the end my words where wasted

they were trashed or were flushed

Invetro was discussed

and prayer was the drug

intercession medicine

to wake my baby up!

I’ve been on birth control for a while now.

conception contraceptive

introspective homicide

aborting my objectives

Held down by the stresses of external latexes

and a suppressed diaphragm is all that I am left with

See my breath is the key

But I was left breathless

If I couldnt speak

How could I be effective

But, It wasnt just me

other people became my patch and my pill

my yaz compact

I call them henna tattoos

they became attached to my vision for 3 months

left and then never came back.

they didn’t believe in my baby

instead they degraded its life like spermicide

inside my ear canal till sterile words came out my mouth

Un-firtalizers whose sole purpose in life and on this earth was to keep my baby from birth.

No impact in my verbs.

A relaxed vocab with no action.

Treated me like they were Ceaser

and everytime I speak I recieve backlashes

Tightening my lips like cramps in hips

I need a seesection just to unleash this.

But they hit below the surface

I call em get under your skinner’s

but I dont have the patience to scratch em.

thats why I dont love these itches.

These dream killers

Ive been shooting pellets at my belly just to kill this feeling.

Like the Chineese governement

May be allowed one baby but the rest they killing

and only if its the good sex.

and if their willing.

Ive been on birth control for a while now.

conception contraceptive

introspective homicide

aborting my objectives

Held down by the stresses of external latexes

and a suppressed diaphragm is all that I am left with

Its one thing to have a baby, its another to acknowledge it.

cause this all means nothing if I dont tell you who the father is.

Birth Control